I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
