I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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