Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
