So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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