hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
