Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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