Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
