Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
