If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
