you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
