I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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