i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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