We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
