just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
