There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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