new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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