I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just gargled with NyQuil
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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