I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
