allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
