You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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