I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize