took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize