Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
