Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
