im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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