why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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