i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
