Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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