Apparently you make a good broom.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize