just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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