I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
