My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
