We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
