I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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