Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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