I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
