How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Man, jail baloney is awful.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This is my gift to your gina
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
