so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
