Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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