My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
