Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
