I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
