we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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