Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
