I can tuck mytits in my pants
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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