So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
