Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
