No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
