Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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