Need sex. Gaining weight.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
