I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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