girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
