it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
love makes seman taste better
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
