the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
