I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
