Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
