It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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