It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize