Moan for me like Helen Keller
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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