You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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