I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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