he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
