Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
