my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
