Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
