hotel room ftw
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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