hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Randomize
