if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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