So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
