i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
