Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
