btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Let's get the cat blown out
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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