the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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