I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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