Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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