her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
