They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
