You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
